These days, I take nothing for granted. Not the weather, not my health nor my energy. And while I don't think I ever took people in my life for granted, I know that with so many precious ones who passed this year, I realize that their leaving is not predicted by their age. They left behind a rift in the lives of their children, parents, friends and family.
The aftermath of death in families can sometimes bring people closer and sometimes drive them apart because of the grieving process. Its worse for some reason, during the pressure and stress of holidays.
With another shift in my consciousness on this topic, I came to realize that we are all wounded by something, and its how we react to the person or thing wounding us that defines our own healing. I see so many of us bringing our wounds to the feasting tables where the slightest word can set someone running to the other room in tears.
A lot of the holiday movies poke fun at families, leave us agreeing that we dislike attending those events and yet, every year we are drawn to them for the same kind of play.
I think more about the children around me who must deal with what the adults in their lives choose. They move, switch schools, playmates, and have to rediscover their sense of place. They hear what goes on, even in whispered rooms with closed doors. Kids can have a sense of wonder at this time of year, yet, partnered with a sense of fear.
Although I live so very far away from them, like many Grandparents, I provide a sense of ....what?....stability, comfort, tradition, humor?
I started making the dolci to send back to the Grandpeeps last week, and went at it in earnest this morning. The kids like the traditional cookies we used to make together, so these aren't really all that fancy. I will do more later and, like always, clean up as I go.
The first batch was the Spritz. Years ago, I had a really good setup, and the side handle broke, so it got replaced with a 'new-new-new' model that will go to the thrift store tomorrow on my way to the Post Office. The batter was soft enough, but the whole thing kept coming apart either at the top or bottom. Its done. With all the wonderful cookie recipes out there, I do not need the hassle.
My next batch was the Pizzels, a very old family recipe made with Anise seed and oil. When I first learned to make these, my Gram & Mother had stove top irons that made one at a time as you flipped them over and hoped they didn't burn. This modern iron makes two at a time and I love the ease of it.
Third to come out this morning is one of the store-bought and frosted Oreos. I do one of this type each year so that the Grandpeeps see how simple it is to make a cookie without much time or effort. ALSO, it gives me a way to use up the end of any decors left over from last year. They are quite noticeable on any serving plate.
I have at least one or two more planned today. The first is a chocolate dough with some Andes Peppermint chips...made like chocolate chip cookies with two changes in the recipe. Very easy, very lovely. Not sure about another one in this moment.
Everything will cure today before going into shipping boxes tomorrow. If I am lucky, each Grandpeep will get about half a dozen of each one in their box, PLUS their own holiday mug rug.
As the shipping deadlines get closer, its hard for me to stay in the moment. I let this time of year get me caught up in memories of the past, in frantic plans for each Sunday night as I bake, that flow into Monday when I ship cookies or gifts back to the Midwest.
I pulled out the Pizzel Iron and the Spritz Press, and checked to see if there were ingredients for what I planned to make. I need shipping boxes too, and have quite a few collected. Some get used and some get recycled by the end of the season.
Its particularly hard for me to stay in the moment each day for a number of reasons. However, I know that the only thing that is real is right now.
It feels like my quilting projects are simply sitting, however, they are on my priority list. This represents the blocks for a new Doll Quilt. If it works, it will go to a new partner (unassigned as of yet). The second choice for any of them that I make is for them to go to the local infant center where the kids just love having them to wrap their toys. I am also working on a couple of Comfort Quilts for the local group that should be finished soon.
And of course, the Pink Purse Fundraiser quilt will need to ship out the end of January.
The grocery bag style tote bag that accompanies it will be pink. Everything is a WIP at this stage.
I don't want to let myself get preoccupied with any of it ~ that I lose sight of how I celebrate the endarkening season. I love Winter Solstice, love setting up lights outside on the trees outside my windows or around the porch railing. I love my eclectic Winter Village too.
Each year, the pieces get laid out differently through out the house, showing a different side of the buildings and having different people, trees and animals surround the spaces. Its the one time I let myself play. I never got caught up in having specific sets and would purchase the pieces that I loved and wanted to bring into my home.
Playing changes things for me...for all of us, and I know that this season allows my inner child to come out. She sings the old carols, laughs at all the presents and looks in wonder at every light in the dark night. This is my moment. And it is real.
I agreed to make a quilt to be auctioned at a Pink Purse Fundraiser for my Son's Mother-in-Law. Today I took it into my clubhouse to baste the three quilt layers on the large tables. It is not an easy task to do on the floor. In fact, it took three tables because the last few inches hung over two...(the wrinkles come out, so don't worry about what you see).
I am not a fan of pink, however, pink is the color selected for breast cancer survivors. It takes several yards for the back, and I wanted a finishing border for the front so it would also coordinate. I cannot say I was wild about this fabric.
It measures roughly 76 x 76 right now. Although the proper way to baste is back down, then batting and then top. It works better for me if I reverse it. I LOVE thread basting rather than with pins, and it takes about the same time to finish it.
With all my writing yesterday about the Fairy/Angels and the words on them of Peace, Hope, and Love, that energy carried through today into my work on this quilt. Its been a deeply moving experience.
I usually find the name of the quilts in this stage of creation.
As I basted, I could not help but think of all the wings on this fabric. It was as if this whole backside was filled with the flutter of Fairy/Angel wings, each of them there like all the Angels on Earth and in Heaven as well as Fairies in forests, meadows and waterside.
The foundation of Pink represents breast cancer survivors; and I know that Orange represents leukemia. Yellow stands for bladder. Pale Blue signifies childhood cancer, Periwinkle is for stomach cancer, and Teal for ovarian-cervical-uterine cancers. The darker colors of Purple, Green and Brown refer to pancreatic, kidney and colorectal cancers. White represents bone cancer, while Gray suggests brain cancer.
All these colors for ribbons that people wear at fundraisers or otherwise in support of those they love while they live or research for the cures after they leave us. All these dis-eases! I am not sure if I can say that this work gave me comfort for the grief for the rift in our family right now. I feel more that it provided a bit of enlightenment. I realize that I know women, men and children who either survived one of these cancers or lost their battle with it. And I never knew the ribbon colors until today.
I have a completely different attitude toward this quilt now. I am embracing all the colors on front and back in a very different way than before this moment. Creating it is comforting me, is healing me, is shielding me. And, I wonder who will buy it at the fundraiser?
I have learned that it is OK to buy myself a gift, not just for the seasonal holidays, but sometimes during the year too. Well, OK, this was a splurge gift of three holiday Fairies. You could think they are Angels, and I sort of think that Fairies and Angels are Cousins, or Sisters, or Best Friends. They do almost the same work in folk lore and its up to artist interpretation what or who they really are.
This one is Peace. When I first saw her, I was touched by more than one thing. Her dress looks like it is carved from a Paper Birch tree, which is probably my favorite tree. Luckily for the trees, it is not. Then Peace. I pray for Peace to fill the hearts of people I know, and some that I never want to know. I pray for Peace for myself as well. I think its always been hard to live life on this planet, and every era claims to be the most difficult. Maybe we face those difficulties just so that we seek Peace.
The next is Hope & was my companion all last year during the battle one of my Nieces faced against leukemia. Her passing stole my sense of Hope and changed the family dynamics forever. I find myself resisting the feelings of Hope right now because it seems that Hope along with that lovely young woman are simply lost. And herein lies the need for Peace.
Its interesting to me that the third Fairy's message is on the right side of her gown.
The left side of our body is supposed to signal our intuition, and the right side of our body is supposed to signal reason and logic. I have been thinking about this awhile. A store clerk told me these were the only three that came in. I wondered if the artist knew what they were doing or had a reason for why this word was on the other side.
What is it about Love, especially during this season, that asks something different from us? Logic and reason might also bring in judgement and resentment for Love unfulfilled. Is Love really the be all to our lives? I haven't got the answers to this and could spend my entire life pondering the mystery.
I thought the wing treatment in metal work is brilliant. My photos almost make them look flat, however, they are wonderful to see and touch. They do not have a home yet, and my guess is that they will hang around all year and not go back in the storage boxes with the rest of the ornaments.
Quilting...ah quilting. I am getting on with it as soon as this post goes live. Right now, its the piecing part of Tony's WINTER IN THE WOODS quilt. Lots more work to it than one might think.
It seems that there will be quilting on the side for a little while. I cut more material last night for a couple of WIP quilts. Earlier in the day, I spent way too much time looking for suction cups to hang indoor lights on my front windows. I put them in a tin, somewhere easy to find. And of course they are hidden somewhere in sight.
I sigh when thinking of how that works. Every time I do something like that, it spurs me on to be even more organized. My small home needs good organization, which is meant for easy retrieval of what is stored.
My system is flawed because of that one tin of suction cups.
Yesterday I shipped out two boxes of Gluten-free Peanut Butter cookies to two of my family members who have Celiac Disease.
I made a dozen that were plain, one that had chocolate chips in it, & the third dozen with chips and walnuts. I also included the recipe. Neither would bake, but if they like these enough, they might or might share the recipe.
So many of us have physical dis-eases and we watch what we ingest. There is such a conflict for us because this time of the year BEGS us to entertain and be entertained. We want something sweet at the end of the day for comfort, that doesn't compromise our health choices we made all year long. I have more than one theory why this happens.
Here I am, making sweets, giving sweets. Its a conflict for me at times. My Granddaughter and Niece each got about 18 cookies in their box. Each year, I send less. When we talk, they ask me to bake, and they tell me that they miss my cooking and baking. For most of them, they do remember the holidays when we baked together...I would have the entire family over for a baking party. Of course there was pasta and meatballs to add to the tradition. It was great fun for them growing up and for all of us to be together.
And then this morning, I made fudge. This one goes out to four of my Grandpeeps and my younger Son. I plan to cut them into small pieces and lay them in those mini paper cups for easy sharing. Each of those boxes will contain about 12 pieces.
Over the years, I have come to see that when I bake and ship, whatever I send needs to be OK to travel. Usually I can make one batch of something per week and split it in half.
Baking is also for me. I love to bake. I miss them too...I miss those precious years when they were younger, hearing their laughter and seeing their sweet faces. It was a time when the world was spinning just perfectly for each of us.
Ehhh...a little sweetness. Say what you will about it. When a small box comes in the mail from Granny and when its addressed to only you...well, you get the meaning: "Life is sweet and so are you!"
Just got home from a holiday party with the local quilters guild. What fun!
I know I don't play enough. When I decided to go to this party, I also decided that it would be fun, that I would have fun, and that all around me would be fun. I think fun and happiness, maybe even joy and pleasure are choices at some level. We have to chose joy, sweetness, happiness.
I found myself resisting it as it got closer to leave my home. Playing took away from work, from all those things I had to do around home. Playing...and I left the house being ok and giving myself permission to play.
Games ranged from identifying quilting blocks, and some history questions to a Fat Quarter game, ending with the gift exchange...oh, and of course a pot luck. Gotta have that food!
I did ok on the quilt block ID & history questions, but not enough to win either game. One woman at my table did mighty good with both of them, so she was the one sitting next to me. Most women at the table have been quilting for decades now, and shared a lot of their ideas.
My Fat Quarter is lovely. I was so excited to win this one for February. I am not sure how to cut it and keep the sweet look of the old tyme valentines. Some thinking before cutting.
My gift exchange was in a round mini hat box...most were presented in bags, and I love it. Holding four fat quarters and a small ornament, I am sure there will be other uses. (One of them is a white that seems to look like a soft blue in the photo.)
The pot luck was like so many ...more food than the group could ever eat. I noticed, however, that most of us didn't load our plates. Maybe we've gotten to that age where just a taste is enough.
The rest of the meeting told about events for the coming months. What I like about this guild is how they bring in new speakers who hold classes on different techniques. Women at my table spoke about how lucky we were that these teachers came to us. Like all classes, you have to buy your fabrics and tools. This seemed to be just fine with me.
And then, something shifted in me. I wanted to stop playing around, stop being in the endless circle of chatter and go on with my day. I said my good-byes to the women at the table and simply walked out the door.
I had two stops to make on the way home and when I got here, realized I was going to cram all the activities for one day into one afternoon. I think I have some work to do on playing. Hmmm....work to do. Well, I am a WIP too.
Today is a transitional day for me because I put away my harvest decor and pulled out the boxes for Solstice. I hung large ornaments on a backyard tree and set up lights for the carport. The outside is done and very simple this year.
Today is a day that I accept that I am doing the best that I can in the right moment. I know I am in a good place in my life and I've worked hard to get here. With each step forward, and each lesson learned, I have come to accept my strengths and weaknesses without so much self-judgment.
I made another Solstice collage card for a friend of mine who lives in Puerto Rico. Before I went too far on it, I researched the winter weather forecast there and how they decorate for Christmas/Solstice holidays. NOT with snow or the sense of cold. Its for her, so the feel of the card needed to be warmer.
Reflecting their season is much more important when I create something they can decorate with. I try to do that with quilt-making too, which is why my earlier quilts have been holiday themed. Its impossible to match colors people have in their homes no matter how one tries.
Here's what I came up with for the eight letters. I learned from the others I had created earlier that its nice to have all the letters for the word (Solstice) in one color and to have a sort of theme. So I spent time doing them in dark blue with a white shadow, and then tying all the cards with a purple ribbon. There is a more ocean-y feel to this because of where she lives and also they become a neutral color to fit in if she uses the traditional red/green.
The first one has poinsettias,which I see in abundance as a seasonal flower. They don't grow in California, but I love them in my house. Each year, I select a color that I believe emits a healing energy on chakras.
Red works for my Root Chakra when there is a need for healing my childhood memories. I've bought orange and yellows for those going up the chakra stem, Green for heart. White for Crown.
I had a Caribbean map among the scrap book pieces which really worked for this gift because that is where my friend lives; and the color on it tied in with poinsettia on the first S, following with waves on that next S, and moving into a tree for the T with a bird on it and an ornament hanging from it.
The C has candy canes on it as well as the words 'laugh' and 'ho ho ho", and the E finishes with this lovely butterfly.
I like doing these for the holidays and know that its a full day commitment to create one. Paper doesn't last all that long and this is simply glued layer upon layer without much fanfare.
My choices today would have been different a few years ago. When I named this blog, it was as though I made a commitment to my own self to step into a sacred place for creating. It just so happens that each project enlightens my soul in places I didn't even know were dark.
