Thursday, May 10, 2018

Only Now

Its taken this long for me to feel better. As some of you know, I do not touch a quilt unless I feel good emotionally, mentally, physically and especially spiritually.

As a woman of deep spirituality, like others who have gone before me, all bets are off when I feel like crap...literally. I couldn't write, could barely get my head up. Its taken lots of lab work (still waiting for results) and whining. I hate whiners, but that was what I could do. 

I knew I was on the mend when I started looking at the quilt projects others were showing. But not yet. I looked and didn't care. Funny thing, I don't want to project this kind of image...the sick, vulnerable.

What I have done is to set in place tools for this next phase of my life. There is no guarantee that I won't get sick again with this or something else. The woman I was in my 40's-50's simply is not me.

I re-signed up for, and they still tell me I don't eat enough. I can record food and water and exercise when I feel good enough to do some again.

I hired a housekeeper and looked into grief counseling. Yes there is grief in not being able to ski, to play volleyball, to run a dogsled or even have dogs. I don't have the agility, the stamina, or flexibility. Fact, but a hard one to accept. 

No one ever told me about retirement or getting older. No one.

So enough of my whining. I just wanted to check in.