I decided to put my quilting projects aside for a week. While there was some progress on a few things, I found myself coming up against too many obstacles. I have been successful with the triangles, points, and suddenly everything I tried wasn't working.
I pulled out a stack of magazines I had been saving to get recipes and tips from. I am not really interested in making new meals and like how I eat and what I eat.
One thing I have been doing at night is watching this Hulu show that focuses on China, and how they eat and cook. One of my undergrad minors was Chinese History and so I love learning more about the country. They call this series "Food for the Soul". Its not about the recipes as much as it is about the process the people go through to make their food.
http://www.hulu.com/a-bite-of-china
Setting aside my quilting seems a way to shock my system. Before I get back to actually working with fabrics and my projects again, I want to watch and read tutorials on making those points. Also, new fabrics are ordered and on their way, so its ok to focus elsewhere for awhile.
The sense of frustration had been growing inside me. I was mentally beating myself up for not getting it. I was ripping all the time, and as I took out the seams that were not working, I found myself thinking more about what wasn't working than what was. And the more I let that happen, the worse things got. I simply do not like working on something I plan to give to a person I love. I need to get my head and heart clear again.
This is something that happens in any endeavor a person makes. When I watch this series on "A Bite Of China", the film makers show the faces of people as they work...all the intensity, all the struggle, all the joy. What I see in the series is how they work with what is available as a food source in their part of the country. The land isn't always as fertile, and most of the time, they are working with their hands rather than machinery. The show talks about the old ways and the younger generation as unwilling to work as hard as their parents and grandparents.
A couple of years ago I bought a Great Pumpkin panel thinking I'd make a quilt out of it for my younger Grandson. Guess there is an age window for appreciating this TV show, and he was not in it. I folded it up and put it in a storage bin. My younger Sister posted something on Facebook that she loved the story, and so I started collecting fabrics I thought might go with it and put it back on my list to make for 2015.
Panels can be great. Panels can also be challenging. Sometimes you find fabrics in a kit and that makes it easy. I didn't take the easy route. So far, the main piece and 16 smaller pieces are framed with an orange print, with a black frame is around the entire center. Its trimmed and squared. Thing is with a printed panel like this one, the parts to it are not ideal and sides get lost in the cutting. I did find the recommended pattern for it online so was able to cut the orange frames quite easily.
And I also have a wavy stripe fabric as the next border. It needs special cutting to match the lines and will work best if it is mitered. Ah hah... another lesson coming up.
This quilt should be easy to run machine stitches on all of the borders and then I'd like to hand quilt the larger center piece. I've put dark thread into the machine again and plan to do a few more Cats until the thread runs out.
With all my recent inner angst about my quilting skills, I realized that rather than trusting myself to keep evolving, it was too easy to fight that same battle again and again. That started to immobilize me. While I enjoy watching some movies more than once, in life, I do not like having to learn the same lessons over. With practice, not only do I keep shaping my life and goals, I keep learning this fabric art.
And this is a key comment. I am still learning. These are practice pieces. Nothing is really ever perfect.
Rob's Quilt is getting packaged to ship out this week. I thought it would wait til the cooler months until I realized how often I pull a quilt over me when the AC kicks on. Its good to go. The Constellations quilt top is done, the back fabric is ordered and so it is set aside to wait.
One of the newer swaps I am in is for a finished table runner. My partner selected the rectangular version of the two shape options in purples. We are to use a charm pack, and I made sure it was ok to use a good quality fabric for the background pieces and also purchased a lighter lilac for the back and binding. The HSTs are cut and pieced. After playing with layout, I think this one will work for my eye. Some of the pieces had more blue and other colors to them, and while they were made up, they fought too much for attention, and so I settled on these. Purple is a strong color and while there are lights, mediums and darks here, it seems that the darks take over. Also, there are solids, small prints and one large print. The difference between making a quilt and making a smaller piece is that the quilt invites a lot more variety. I've got pairs pinned for the next step. I would like to hand quilt this one too, so must keep it going.
As I started attaching the side border to the Constellations quilt, something didn't look quite right. Back to the pattern. I had gone merrily on my way as I put this quilt together, thinking I knew what I was doing. And no. I didn't know what I was doing. I assumed I knew what I was doing. I had to come up with a new solution to make it work without ripping out the blocks. Its not that its wrong. Its just different from the original plan the pattern-maker had in mind.
One of my quilt teachers said that we become quilt-makers whenever this sort of thing happens and we have to come up with a new solution...a new soul-ution.
There is a form of therapy started in WI several years ago called 'solution-focused brief therapy' which is goal oriented, targeting the solution as something to be worked on rather than focusing on symptoms or issues that brought up the challenge. With this method, therapist encourage the client to imagine the future they want, and start working on steps to achieve that goal. The person looks at their skills, and resources in order to attain the desired outcome.
We can only do what only we can do. I think it is called a brief form of therapy because it gets to the solution right away and acknowledges that there were problems leading up to this moment, but so what? Get up and get on with it!
Each of the two quilts I am working on presented challenges with different issues; the Cat quilt has mis-matched seams and needed to be ripped and re-sewn, and the Constellations quilt had an issue regarding the border. It only required a shifting of the side borders to make them LOOK like they were supposed to go that way.
(I think it will pass the horse-test, which I have adopted as a legitimate quilting tool.)
I feel pressure of wanting both of them to look good, and become beloved quilts to the two people who will receive them this year. Its not like I have been rushing through them but that I took on quilt patterns that were challenging. They are not UFO's. They are WIP. I am not giving up.
And here it is, solution. Soul-lution. I looked at an online dictionary for words that end in lution, and among the many you can find are: Absolution, convolution, dissolution, evolution, pollution, resolution, and revolution. Oh my. OH MY! If all I do is look at these few words and apply them to my mental state about this sort of challenge, they contain such amazing power. Power to forgive, to take away the guilt and shame, and moreover to grow up, as well as to experience negative power to fall apart and blow away.
Fact of the matter is that the more risks a person takes in any endeavor, the more chances to fail they have. However, its what a person does when they are faced with the conflict that matters.
I fell into such a deep funk at first when I discovered my error. I shifted the border segments from how it was supposed to be just enough to make it work. I have an amazing sense of accomplishment having done this. THIS was the solution according to the SFBT theory.
I would really like to avoid those deep funks I fall into every once in awhile. However, it seems that when I do, they act as a sort of catalyst to stop my whining and get going with the task at hand. And I am smiling. While I have won my way through the conflict, I also lost a bit of confidence in the moment.
As soon as the corner triangles go on, it is ready to measure and purchase fabric for the back. My Daughter-in-Law recommended a flannel back for those cold Minnesota Winters. She says they appreciate getting more quilts so they each have a couple layers.
The border pieces are proving to go on easily. I wasn't sure how they would match up, and have been avoiding the project. Lately, I've been reading comments about looking at your own quilt with soft eyes. One said that if if looks ok hanging on a fence as you ride your horse past it, you've done a good job.
The quilt needs the two side sections of the border segments pieced and added to the body of it, so I am waiting til then to take a picture. More than likely, the next pic will be when I take it to the clubhouse to baste.
I am feeling the pull of Summer time laziness. The flurry of swap blocks started again, and what surprised me is that two of my partners are asking for 'any star block' and in almost the same color combinations. The focus color for both of these swaps is a jewel toned aqua. And this swap comes in time for me to take advantage of the first Friday sale for fat quarters. With all the fabric I do have, it seems that there is always one color I am missing.
After making the swap blocks, I'll cut the rest of the fat quarters into those smaller squares. This kind of block is called a 'postage stamp'. It will be fun putting one together. From what I've read, you can make them into 6 across x 6 down pieced blocks, so the fabric lays easier in the closet. These blocks, shown above as an example & not my work, are made up of (36) 2.5" squares. I really do want to finish the quilts that I've started before getting to one of these. There are so many options and patterns available however, my goal is to make them uber simple. I would rather not start one until I am sure that is how I want it made. Once the squares are committed to the project, then there is no going back on it.
One of the many things that happens for me on Swap-bot is that I can create more with fabric than just my quilts for some of the exchanges.
While my struggles continue with the Cat quilt, some of my quilt block swaps, and even the Constellations border, when I turned my attention to something different, I was able to feel a sense of accomplishment.
I won the June Winner Take All Game in one of the groups. Each person who signs up, sends the winner something related to the theme and then, next month the winner sets the theme and handles the drawing. This particular group focuses on fairytales, myths and legends, so as winner in June, my theme for July is the She-Bear, for whom stories can be found all over the globe. Right away, my theme was challenged by a few people who had never heard of the She-Bear legends.
I was challenged to come up with something to make and give as my share of the prize to the potential winner.
A couple of years ago, my friend Roxanne from northern CA sent me fabric and felt, and while I have been using the gorgeous fabric, the felt proved to be more challenging. It is PERFECT for a flat-patterned bear that is blanket stitched around the edges and lightly stuffed. The buttons were part of a gift to me from another friend Beckie in WI. Stuffing and thread come from Lee's estate.
On a personal note, several years ago, a brown bear had come down from the mountains and was chased into my back yard where she climbed a tree. She hung on for her life after they tranqed her, and literally broke the tree limb with her weight. I was told she was placed in a sanctuary. Lately, we have been seeing a lot of brown bears in town as they come down from the mountains for food and water.
The California Grizzly Bear was designated as the official state animal in 1953 (more than 30 years after the last one was killed). Before the grizzly bear was exterminated in Cali, this magnificent animal thrived in valleys and low mountains. Its believed that it lived here in greater numbers than anywhere else in North America.
Now it is honored on the California state flag.
As the story goes, when humans poured into Cali, the grizzly would not retreat from the advancing civilization, killing livestock and interfering with settlements. Less than 75 years after the the discovery of gold, every grizzly bear in Cali had been tracked down and killed.
My little blue felt bear with button eyes and a nose is only a caricature of these magnificent creatures. When I look at her, I am seeing something cute to sit on a shelf. I have to really let go of my desire to honor the She-Bear in a more artistic way and be willing to say it is enough.
Yet, it breaks my heart seeing how arrogant humans are to exterminate such a creature just because it remains true to itself.
Sometimes being such an Aries also means I have a dark side. I don't do things the way most people do. No one needs to see my long list of challenges. Most of the time I play nice, even though my potty mouth can spill out without notice. The Urban Dictionary says that being a black sheep means you aren't living up to the expectations in your family, herd, pack, tribe for a number of reasons. Usually, I meet the criteria.
After my block fail, and before a trip to the fabric store, I headed into my closet to see what I could see. Bins seem full because I pull fabric out, sometimes fold it when I put it back in the colorized bags, and sometimes not.
One of the bins is dedicated to holiday fabrics from 4th of July through Hallows, T-Day, Winter, and back around to V-Day.
People in my family, and most everyone else's family, love to shop. I hate it as I have blogged before. It is my choice to use what I have and shop in my closets first, and often. Shopping takes time and robs me of so much energy while giving me stress. No wonder I hate going.
It isn't enough to pull out fabric and make a bigger mess by just tossing it back in. That only hurts me in the end. What helps is to cut these scraps down. Yes, another day spent with a rotary cutter and mat. Eventually, these squares will go into comfort quilts. I went through the holiday fabric bin and got to cutting. These are kept away from the general fabrics and will be used for a specific theme. One way to look at it is that I do a little cutting here and there, and do keep at it.
What I like about this choice to shop my closets first is accepting that what I do and how I do it is enough, and who I am is enough. I am not sure how old I was when I first got it, got this lesson about shopping stores vs. shopping my closets. I remember becoming aware of the environment and how fast the landfills were over-flowing and how what we had was almost too much. I remember seeing a museum exhibit for what home life looked like 100 years ago, that people had one change of work clothes and one for good; that they didn't have closets or a lot of storage for excess.
So here I am, spending another day cutting 2.5", 3", 4", 5", 6", 8", & 10" squares along with 2.5" strips in holiday fabrics with no end goal, only a dream, a plan, a hope. One of the bins looks more empty. I filled a smaller one with these cut squares and strips, without a plan or any notes-to-self.
I know that people in my life, not living in my home, do what they can for the environment. We all come to a place of seeing what we can do, and with good luck, we are able to really take the action that sets this wheel of Reduce, Re-purpose, Re-use, and Re-cycle in motion. It makes me wonder if there is enough time to make a difference with our small personal changes. We can only do what only we can do. And it is enough. It has to be enough.
