I finished the block, then measured it to trim it to size and finish the cleanup. Who was that Gomer on the TV show who used to say, "surprise, surprise, surprise"?
Yup, me. It only measured 9" finished. Nine, not twelve. I sat with it in my hand, just looking at all the scant 1/4 seams I made, making sure each piece was the correct width and length. Everything was as it was supposed to be, yet it was only nine inches. Nine, not twelve.
Then I started to laugh. I think I laughed until I was almost ready to cry or had to stop before it drove me crazy-mad.
I went online and browsed 12" quilt block patterns & found one called 5-Patch Variation. I remembered a scrap of a lime green print that had black in it, and went looking for the remaining colors on my partner's list, auditioning them to work in her color scheme. I got back to it, and cleaned up the loose threads, checked those crazy points to make sure the seam is closed on them and gave it a final press. Red, pink, yellow, orange, lime green and black. All here. And actually a nice block.
There have been rare times in my life where some event or person immobilized me. Those moments were void of choice-making and responsibility. And there is a little attraction for me in that state. It was almost getting easier to give in and stop fighting against the unknown forces. I struggled with that first block for days, fighting with various parts of it, but more struggled with internal conflict.
This one went together a bit easier. Not to say it didn't have challenges with those points and partial seams. Its not the easiest block I ever made, however, I am pleased with the final outcome. There were only two pages of instructions, which I read several times, and I had learned to colorize the pattern.
I think the ease wasn't just in the mechanics of the process, but in the place it took me. Maybe it was better to let go of that first block in both its incarnations, so that I could find this one and could create it from a more balanced and positive place of self.
Its funny how many color combinations & values of fabric that I made, most of which never got into a block. I worked with them energetically for my partner, and they seemed to work on me.