Desire for Improvement

My desire for personal growth never ends. I think it started with a wish to find and make a place in the world for myself. Then it evolved to a desire to count for something in the lives of people I love. I've always felt this inner urge to move ahead, to try something new, go after a different experience, and learn new skills. Its seemed to me that I find the meaning of life in following those inner urges and want to be more, to make more of myself.

Machine quilting halts me. And I have come to see that immobilization is only fear. In this case, it is based on two things: One is a big fear of failure... meaning I will ruin the quilt by being inept at it; and the other is a lack of training. Ah, then, its down to systems management that says its not about the operator or the machine but the training for the operator to understand the system.

This shows part of what I am doing for small machine quilting on Landi's Rising Star quilt. I am outlining the middle block of these 14 squares and will do a similar outline on the 8 blue star blocks. I've been at the machine with this quilt for days and have days more left to work on it before it is ready to trim and bind. Clearly this is new work for me, and as I do it, I can see how much I need the training if I am ever going to evolve.

Like most adult learners, I am relatively stubborn about asking for help or realizing that I need help. Like most adults in this culture, right now money is a bit tighter for me, and so paying for a class is not high on my list. And what is really key is making time. 

I am thinking about this, pondering my resistance, and seeing it as a WIP for my inner development. I admit I need a class on small machine quilting techniques. So what's my hangup? 

Listen up, woman, the quilting fairies are buzzing around your head!