Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Nothing to Show

While I got a lot done from assembling a wrought iron arch for the garden, raking the South side, to piecing 20 blocks for the quilt back, and even cleaning up the studio, I have nothing to show for it. Sometimes all we can do in a day is what we are meant to do. No fanfare, no one noticing, no photos. 

I am listening to another audiobook from my Daddy's favorite author, Zane Grey. While you cannot know everything about a person by the books they read, I AM learning more about my Father's thoughts on life and even seeing how this book might have influenced his actions. Of course, which came first? His actions or his love for these books?

The audiobook (RIDERS OF THE PURPLE SAGE) was written about 1939 and a few movies came out based on it. It is read by Laurie Anne Walden who volunteers with LibriVox and has an extensive list of narrated works. She is a Veterinarian living & practicing in North Carolina, and owns a writing service.

As I listen to the book, I stop it every once in awhile to let a quote sink in. I've decided to listen to it again. It is so not my usual read, yet it is compelling for a number of reasons.

I tried watching some of the old movies, and found that they did not follow the storyline and so went back to the audiobook. I wonder and wonder why Daddy was so fascinated and what he might have been thinking as he read. It wasn't about the Western genre. The way it is written is deep, thoughtful, provocative. Women are strong in ways that were uncommon for Daddy's era. Spirituality was more important than organized religion. Were these books escapism for him, or did they represent his moral compass?

The arch was too clumsy for me to move by myself once it was assembled, and so I tipped it over the porch railing rather than trying to walk it around. I thought about purchasing another one to replace the wooden one in the back that is falling apart, and will do that in the Fall. These outside activities take up a lot of my time right now. I need to get the vines started on this new arch, and perhaps add some fertilizer for the drastic pruning (whacking) I did on all them this year. I push the Spring work because once it gets hot here, it is really hot.

I still struggle with my feelings around not doing enough, not being enough. Enough. Its funny because I would never lay that on another person as if what they did wasn't enough, so wonder why I do it to myself.