When I was a young child, my family had enough resources to almost grant my every wish, even before I made one. Then, as I grew up, I was also privileged enough to go to the right schools, marry into the right economic class, get the right house, the right furniture, entertain large groups, wear the nicest clothes.
Something happened to close me off to those material things. Not sure if it was a college class I took, or working for social service agencies, or what exactly. However, I shut down my ability to receive. It was as though I saw an impoverished world and felt like my share was bigger than the shares others had and it made me feel greedy.
When I realized I had shut down, I started sending out a message to the cosmos that I was open to receive. That very night, at a meeting, the woman next to me offered me a peppermint, and I laughed internally at how funny the universe is. It was a small start that opened my heart.
Being open to receive is different than being ABLE to receive. This week alone, I received a number of fabric gifts beyond what I shared earlier that came from two of my friends. I poured over the different parts that came to me and felt such joy!
What happens when I receive gifts is that my mind says I must give that person something in return. I think this is another reason why I like having the Pay-It-Forward experiences.
As I put away the various parts of gifts I received, another small package came my way, and then another and another. Receiving has become a sweet reality. And now, I am working on the part that allows me to be ABLE to receive without feeling like I have to give something in return, right way.
At this stage in my life, my financial resources are limited, but not much more than the resources that our general culture experiences. I still feel quite rich with what fills my life. I wonder sometimes if I will ever live long enough to make quilts with all these wonderful fabrics stored in my closets. I work as fast as I can, and sometimes feel like the old pioneer women who made quilts for their families with all their love and commitment just so they could stay warm.
May you be warm, comforted by quilts, and open to receive.