Monday, May 8, 2017

Fabric Boxes

I am a lot less hard on myself these days. I realize my demons are usually angels that have gone astray. While doing so much Shadow work in that Jungian Psyc course, I started to become discouraged when so many of my self-defeating patterns came into my conscious awareness.

As this part of the course came to an end, I could see that my Shadow was rooted in a healthy love-centered search for personal beauty. Like any person, I was born reaching for love. Over the years of my life in a search for good feelings & experiences, I learned not to feel at all. Wanting the best from myself, I learned to see all the worst. Grrr. Perfectionism. That Shadow part of the course ended with a waiting time of 2 weeks before the second part starts. I was seeing so much darkness around me that it made me sick. After a day in bed, my thoughts settled down, and my body craved food and activity again. I chose life.

The last larger fabric box is finished. Its a bit larger than what I usually make and will go in a Swap Bot exchange soon. It was time for me to enter records in my swap exchange data base, and in my May health journal. Paperwork.

When it comes down to life, a person (hopefully) learns to accept all their frustrations for what they are. Its a result of how we attempt to meet legitimate needs. Sometimes the project is stunning, sometimes it has flaws.

Admittedly, working on UFO projects this year has been stressful. It seems like I face demons all the time. What I FEEL is this ineptness to deal with the project because usually there was no note-to-self explaining the next step. Worse that that, I often do not have the skill to finish it which is why it got put away. So then I FEEL lost and unguided, and in over my head. The temptation to put the project away again is huge. 

It is really a great example of self-defeating behavior. And there is this fear looming. Fear of failure. Fear that the essential tremors in my hands will prevent me from hand sewing. Fear creates stress. Stress creates immobility. Gahhh!